Marriage 1 of 10 - Orientation (John Wile)

For well over a decade now, my wife and I have had a pastoral relationship with Christians who were serving their Lord in a country, a culture, a language that is not their own.  Kathy and I spend a good portion of each year on location providing retreats, conferences, worship services, one-on-one pastoral counseling -- whatever will be helpful.  Because we aren't part of any organization’s administration, the men and women with whom we visit don't have to look good for us. The result is they often let down their guard and we get to have an honest inside understanding of their lives. 

A few years ago, we were visiting in a world class city where a number of agencies have located their headquarters.  During our time there, Kathy got to know a woman whose responsibility was to help first term couples as they settled into their new lives.  She would find them an apartment before their arrival, help them with the necessary first arrival tasks and would orient them to life in the city.  One day as Kathy was helping this woman to clean an apartment for another soon-to-arrive couple, she realized the unique position this woman had had for several years.  What a resource of wisdom and experience!  She had understanding of the lives of these newly arrived, so Kathy asked her, "You get to know these first timers quite well.  Can you tell who is going to make it?"  Of course she asked that question because far too often they don't make it.  Even though they have sensed God's call, in some cases since childhood, even though they've passed all the screening of personnel directors and psychologists, even though they've succeeded in the arduous task of raising financial support, nonetheless, many don't make it.  They arrive at their first post with excitement in their hearts, earnestness in their spirits and fire in their eyes, but then a year or two or five later, they're headed home.  They expected to stay for 10 or 20 years -- maybe for the remainder of their lives, but it didn't happen.  We want to do all we can to nurture spiritual and emotional strength.  We want to be part of helping to succeed so Kathy asked that experienced woman, "Can you tell who's going to make it?"  and she said, "Yes, usually."  Well, “Ok then,” asked Kathy, "what is it?  How can you tell?"  She said two things:  First, their confidence that they are doing what God wants them to do.  The second thing is the strength of their marriage.  Remember - she saw these brand new couples in their first weeks, during weeks of great stress, days of being pushed way beyond any comfort zone and facing this stress without any of the coping systems that they had used in the past.  All support structures were stripped away by their move.  It's in that kind of setting that reality emerges, particularly the reality of the marriage relationship.  In some cases, in these marriages under stress, she saw kindness, understanding, pulling together, and mutual support.  In others she saw tempers, criticism, blame, withdrawal, and misunderstanding.  For some, what she saw left her with the confidence ‘they're going to make it’.  For others, ‘if something doesn't change this isn't going to be pretty’.  We have always believed that supporting marriages was part of our responsibility. 

Toward that end, we've often led marriage enrichment sessions and marriage retreats, but that conversation that day between Kathy and this experienced woman let us know that there was more at stake than just a couple's happiness.  The very call of God would be enhanced or undermined by the nature of their marriage.  That's why we're offering this series here on this broadcast.  This is a series of short messages in which we'll be distilling the essence of what we have learned over the years on what makes or breaks a marriage.  Each day we'll look at a concept and we'll ask a question or two.  We believe firmly that if a couple puts into practice the eight principles we'll be talking about, they will have a great relationship guaranteed. 

The question I'd like to leave you with today is this:  What's the state of your marriage?  Does it bring joy to your heart and to your partner?  Does it provide spiritual and emotional strength to do what God has called you to do, or does it leave it drained, disheartened or perhaps even angry? 

Spend some time before the Lord.  Be honest with Him.  Then, in light of what you discover, give Him thanks or ask for His intervention, or most likely do a little bit of both.