Marriage 7 of 10 - Serving (John Wile)

This series about marriage is dedicated to men and women serving their Lord in a country, a culture, a language that is not their own.  Is that you?  We know that this life creates great stress and your marriage will either contribute to increasing that stress, or your marriage will help you to deal with the stress, will bring you great personal joy, will bring praise to God and will have the added benefit that your ministry will be richer and more powerful. 

Kathy and I have been married for 26 years and we've spent a few more years than that in various forms of pastoral ministry.  During that time, we've learned a lot about marriage.  In this series, we're distilling that learning into what we call The Eight Underpinning Truths:  today's truth -  a Christ-like marriage is a relationship of servants.

Do you remember when James and John, together with their mother, tried to maneuver themselves into positions of prominence?  Jesus took hold of that situation and used it as an opportunity to teach.  This is what we read in Matthew chapter 20, "Jesus called His disciples together and said, 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and their high officials exercise authority over them.’ Not so with you!  Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.  And whoever wants to be first must be your slave, just as the Son of man did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.”  In light of that teaching, note this:  We see a pattern repeated continually in scripture.  We encounter God's character.  We receive His gifts. We are awed and deeply appreciative, then we are instructed to pass it on.  God loves us and so we love one another.  He forgives us and so we forgive one another.  He is kind; we are kind.  Now He serves and we also serve.  For some believers it feels natural to serve.  They can't imagine living any other way.  Others of us don’t find serving natural at all.  I grew up in a home where my dad was in charge.  When he spoke, we trembled.  I didn't particularly enjoy being underneath that voice, but I did look forward to the day when it would be my turn to speak and have the world tremble.  A high school girlfriend suspecting that that might be my attitude one day asked me, "How much do you think each partner should give in marriage?"  I had a suspicion of what she was getting at and I knew her hopes were not in step with mine, but I wanted to hold on to the relationship so I stretched as far as I could and even beyond and said I could imagine going as far as 75/25.  I, of course, giving the 25 and receiving three times as much.  She wasn't pleased.  I can still picture her emotionally and physically backing away from me as I spoke. 

A couple of years later, I became a Christian and God began to work on my heart.  This was obviously one of the character issues that needed attention.  Over the next couple of decades He kept chiseling away at the stone of my heart.  Serve?  Serve others?  Serve my wife as Jesus served me?  Yes, I guess it's right.  Yes, I should want to serve.  Lord, make me a servant.  Give me a servant heart.  Help me to take servant steps to give my life for others, to give my life for Kathy, as You have given Yours for me.  In living out that new heart, one of the tasks I've taken on at home is doing the dishes.  Kathy's a great cook and we normally have nicely served meals.  All of which means that we generate a lot of dishes.  We don't have a dishwasher, but for 7 years now, 7 days a week the dishes have been my job.  Sometimes now when talking about serving and marriage I share my dishwashing commitment to put a practical edge into the principal.  On one occasion I was speaking through a translator to a group of couples in Eastern Europe.  The translator’s English was excellent and we were doing a pretty good job at tag team speaking.  He understood exactly what I was saying and translated on the fly with no hesitation.  We were in a great translation rhythm until I described taking on the responsibility of doing all the dishes every day.  When he heard me say that, instead of translating he stopped, turned to me, forgot the crowd and said, "God help you; whatever made you make such a foolish promise?"  Was it foolish?  Oh perhaps, but no more foolish than what Jesus did when He took a towel and a bowl of water and washed His disciples’ feet.  No more foolish than my Lord who said, "Now that I your Lord and teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet.”  A couple of years after that translation event, we returned and met the translator at a meal.  I didn't know if he'd remember me but his first question was, "Are you still doing the dishes?"  “Yes,” I told him.  "Well," he said, "since we were together last, my wife has gone back to school and I’ve needed to help out more at home and I am now doing the dishes."  It could be feet we wash.  It could be dishes.  The truth is clear.  We are called to serve one another as Jesus has served us. 

So as we close let me ask you to consider this rather obvious question.  Please give it some careful thought!  What very specific action could you begin doing to serve your partner?