Revisiting Language Learning 3 of 5 (Dr. Brent Lindquist)

Hello again. Welcome back to my third program in a series of five on Revisiting Language Learning. I talked in the first program on – why learn a language? Can't we get along with English? I talked in the second program of - why can't I learn language? - in other words, the stereotypes or things we do to ourselves that prevent us from learning language.

Today I want to talk about some more barriers to language learning, two in particular that are very big struggles I think for most everyone. They are perfectionism and shyness. Let's talk about perfectionism first. Perfectionism has to do with the whole idea of the way that we approach things. Some of us are kind of 'oh, let things be' or 'anything is okay' or 'I'm not going to worry about it' or 'I don't have to be perfect' and we can kind of be a little bit sloppy. Some of us, on the other hand, are very much wanting to do it right, and more importantly for language learning, to do it right the first time. We would probably struggle with issues of perfectionism. This could be something that's very important for you. If you like to do things right, you don't like to make mistakes, you don't like to look stupid, then this program might be just for you.

I spent about 20 years helping people going cross-culturally to learn particular aspects of language. Actually, I didn't help with the specifics and techniques of language learning. I worked more on the psychological, emotional aspects of language learning. I talked a lot about perfectionism. Perfectionism is a wonderful characteristic. The problem is that in language learning it becomes more of a troublesome characteristic. People with perfectionism like to do things well. They like to do things more than well, actually. They like to do things right. They like to do things more than right, they like to do things perfectly. 'If it's not worth doing well it's not worth doing' would be a theme for them. People like that, whether it's you or me, that approach language learning very quickly discover a problem. It's almost impossible to do things right the first time. This difficulty can really be a hindrance. I've seen some people leave their assignments because they couldn't do it right. They didn't want to learn on the job. They didn't want to practice until they mastered something. They didn't want to be known as the person who sounded funny. Their whole self-esteem was built up in their ability to be the right person doing the right things in the right time in the right way from day one. Those people, whether they're you or me, have a much harder time in getting through all of this. So from that perspective perfectionism can be our worst enemy.

Perfectionism can be useful in moderation, however. It can be the kind of thing that drives you to try and do better. Some people who might not be perfectionists may say, 'Well, it's okay.' You know what? In the honeymoon stage of language learning it might be okay to do something half-way, to not worry about your accent or the proper use of grammar...but over time people expect more of you. The perfectionist has a little bit of an added benefit from that perspective in that they're going to say, 'Let's try it one more time. One more take and we've got it'. So the perfectionism is not all bad, but it is something that you do need to be very sensitive about if you're going to work on things.

Now what do you do if you are a perfectionist and you have been struggling with language learning? I think it would be important for you to find some people around you, whether they be other internationals like yourself or even some nationals, who you can use as accountability partners. You can say to them something like this, 'I'm having trouble learning language. I get mixed up and messed up because I try to do it right the first time. Can you help me figure out how to be less intense about this?' Now sometimes those are the people you need to go and work with and they need to tell you whether it's going to fly or not. In other words, they need to say, 'That was a pretty good job. I think you've got it 90%. Let's not do it anymore'. Those people may need to be the kind of people that can also say, 'Well you need to practice a couple more days' but I think what you want is somebody to tell you to lighten up. If you can find those kinds of people who appreciate your progress, who want to help you improve but who don't want to help you improve at the expense of your sanity, if you will, those are the kind of people to look for.

I want to talk about the next issue or barrier to language learning and that is what I call shyness or interpersonal shyness. Are you shy? How do you tell if you're shy or not? Usually people who aren't shy don't know whether they're shy or not. People who are shy know quite a bit about their shyness. People who are shy say, 'I'm uncomfortable in social situations. I do much better if I'm one-on-one but actually one-on-none I think I'd do best at. If I could just be me by myself then I'm going to be in the situation where I have more comfort about things'. People who are shy say, 'It's really important for me to spend a lot of time in my room learning how to speak so that I can reach out to people'. You can see that a person with shyness and perfectionism has got 2 strikes again him in some ways. They spend all their time practicing by themselves which makes it hard to learn good communication, by the way. Shy people often say, 'It's very difficult'. They tend to perceive rejection. They tend to feel like failures very easily. To those of you that struggle with this I say, 'I understand'. It is difficult but I think it's important that you find people that can be empowering for you. Sometimes people who are shy find strong people who tell them they did it wrong and then they feel rejected. They then don't go back and try again. That's not a good person to find. What you really need to look for is somebody who cares about you and is glad you're there (and there are people that are glad that you're where you are, doing what you're doing). You've got to find them. People who want to help you learn and want to help you succeed, those people are the shy person's best friend. They can help you really manage things, they can encourage you, they can help you put things into perspective and you're not going to have a really big problem like you would if you were just relying on yourself. That's basically shyness and perfectionism.

I said earlier that people who are both shy and perfectionistic have kind of got 2 strikes against them but I don't want to write you off if that's the kind of person you are. I want to encourage you as well. If you're perfectionistic, remember I said that it means you might want to practice a few more times. If you're shy you might want to practice a few more times on your own just to make sure you get it. Maybe there are ways that you can practice without making yourself feel so bad. It would seem to me that if you had trouble speaking in front of people, then try speaking on the phone. Say to your language helper, 'Don't come over tomorrow. I'm going to call you on the phone and talk with you'. You might also want to carry on a conversation with the person on television. I know that's sounding a little weird, but I'm trying to give you as many places that you can succeed even in places that may feel like failure because failure is not doing anything. Succeeding is doing anything. You've got to give yourself credit for that. I know that sounds like a hard thing for a perfectionist, but you'll get over it. People who are perfectionists and shy people learn language effectively every day. They just have to figure out how to learn it in a way that's not a hindrance but that helps them to succeed.

I hope this has been helpful for you today. As you try to overcome shyness or perfectionism don't compare yourself to other people. Particularly don't compare yourself to those outgoing people who aren't shy or natural language learners who seem to just pick things up while you have to struggle, redo, practice and practice. Every effort is valuable. Hang in there. I know you can do this.

Talk to you next time!