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Re-Entry 1 of 8 - Introduction (Marion Knell) |
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 Our topic for the next few weeks will deal with re-entry -- coming back into your home country after serving overseas. I have the pleasure of bringing to you today one of my friends and co-workers Jonathan. He had the privilege of meeting with Marion, the author of a book entitled, "Burn Up or Splash Down", and they're going to talk for the next few weeks about her book and all about re-entry. Enjoy Jonathan and Marion as they chat together here on MemCare.
I'm your host today, Jonathan Griffiths, and we're with Marion. It's good to have you on the show with us today.
Thank you. It's good to be back again.
The last time you were with us we talked about your first book "Families on the Move", and now you're working on another book.
Indeed, and this one's all about re-entry. It's called “Burn Up or Splash Down".
Burn Up or Splash Down! Where does that title come from?
Well, those of you who are familiar with the space program know that the most dangerous time for a space craft is the time of re-entry. If you remember the story of Apollo 13, they just about made it through with their systems. We know that the hardest time for most cross-cultural workers is not the going to but the coming back from their service overseas.
What is re-entry then?
Re-entry is the phrase we use for when people come back for the final time, for whatever reason, to their passport country, and whereas you expect change when you go out everybody prepares you and say you're going to have culture shock. Nobody really tells you about the other side of the coin which is reverse culture shock when you come back again.
What is reverse culture shock?
Culture shock in general is when you can't read the signs of the culture. You've lost all your familiarity or the sign posts. The thing is of course whereas you're prepared for that when you go, when you come back you think you know the place. This is the place where I was born. This is the place I grew up. I know how things work. But, of course, in the meantime that you've been away, everything has changed. They don't do things the way they used to. Even if you come back on holidays, that's still not being exposed to the culture in its bigger sense. And of course, you've changed.
When we talk about sign posts, what is a typical cultural sign post that we can understand?
The way people greet each other. The way they go shopping, the way you do hospitality -- those things that are appropriate to talk about and not appropriate to talk about. In some parts of the world, it's quite appropriate to talk about how much you earn, why you haven't got any children, why about all these very personal questions up front.
We often prepare people before they go overseas, but why have we not traditionally prepared people on the way back?
Well, because we have this incredible phrase that says "well, they're coming home" and home is something with which you are familiar. But of course, the longer you're overseas, the less you are coming home and the more you are actually leaving home. So we assume that people know what’s happening. Everybody assumes somebody else is doing something about it. We don't realize quite how major this transition is, not just in the physical terms of finding somewhere to live and a job and all that but the emotional transition that you're going through: the bereavement -- the loss that there is, not just loss of your ministry in your place, but all the people that you've left behind as well.
How long does somebody need to be overseas before they come back and go through reverse culture shock?
The more I talk to people, the more I realize that actually it's getting to be an increasingly short time. I remember we used to talk about long term service meaning life; now long term service means two years. But even if you talk to somebody who’s brought on a short term program, they experience a degree of culture shock particularly if the degree of difference between the culture they've been working in and the culture that they're returning to is very large and they've had considerable exposure to it. Two years really hits it. But even less than that there's a degree of it.
Is it harder the longer you've been overseas?
Oh yes! The longer you've been overseas the more you've had exposure to other points of view and other perspectives. The more critical you are likely to be of your own culture when you return and being critical makes it harder to adjust to your own culture -- your passbook culture, shall we say.
What are some of the facts of re-entry?
There are various things that affect how you deal with re-entry and how re-entry is for you. One is the timing of it. For people for whom this was a crisis evacuation where they had no time to prepare, one 24 hours and you're out,, it's a much greater kind of shock and you don't have time to mentally adjust to what's happening. Why you came back -- for some people it was a chosen move. For others it was retirement, in which case there's an incredible amount of loss in it. Some extensively come back for the children but actually there has been an intolerable teen situation and therefore you're going through all of the post stress of conflict that you might have gone through. There are lots of reasons as to why people come home and how that affects them.
Is there anything else that affects re-entry?
Well, just the very nature of the person, who they are. Some people are very optimistic. Some people are much more fearful and therefore your own attitudes to change what previous changes have been like for you. If your previous experience of making a major move has been bad, then you're more fearful of it. Some people too are coming to an incredibly different economic standard. In the country where you lived, you were a rich person even though you might have had quite a simple lifestyle, and you come back. Certainly if you're coming back to a western culture where there are very high standards of materialism, you're very aware of the fact of how poor you are in comparison. The other thing is how much support you're going to have when you get back, who's actually in place to receive you and help you make this transition.
Can we talk a little bit more about the preparation and the support system that's needed in the re-entry phase?
It's generally recognized that about six months before you leave a place you begin to withdraw from the various things that you're involved in. You withdraw emotionally. You don't make any more new relationships. You begin to kind of pack your emotional baggage, as well as sink ahead of what’s going to happen to you. The nearer you are to making the move, the less likely you are actually to deal with things that are pressing upon you. For instance, if you're involved in a sort of conflict situation, you're more likely to put off dealing with that because you're going to leave it behind. So one of the big things about preparing to re-enter is make sure that you've kind of got your house in order before you leave, that you've said good good-byes, you've done good reconciliation and make good closure on relationships so that you enter, as it were, with a clean slate.
Is it important to plan that time?
Yes. If you don't plan it, it won't happen. In general, I mean. If you don't plan for your re-entry, you'll end up in a chaos situation – cross-cultural transition is marked by a period of chaos in the middle when you're making that move. So you can anticipate that when you go back to your country of passport, you'll be feeling in a fairly chaotic situation. The more plans that you can make, plans to actually hold good farewell parties, do things that are appropriate, to say goodbye to your national friends and taking planned time with the people you've been close to. To sit down and affirm be positive about your relationships but also to go over maybe the hard times and acknowledge where God was in the hard times. It's what I call the kind of Joseph principle.
Is it also important for us for colleagues when we have people who are returning to allow them to have that time? Often it's the pressure of handing the jobs over, trying to get everything done and we don't allow our colleagues to take the time needed?
That's right! And actually, then it's easy to feel oh a little bit resentful, ‘oh you know they're just glad to be rid of me’. Whereas that's not necessarily the thing, but planning in those farewell times and particularly planning in the personal times that you need and the team of course where you’ve really shared perhaps a love at a deep level, being able to say the good-byes, the affirmation or the other things are a part of that.
What are some of the re-entry stresses that we face?
I guess one of the chief ones is one that I've alluded to a few times already, and that's the whole idea of loss and bereavement. The amazing thing is that you go home and invite neighbours who say, “Oh, isn’t it great you’re back!” Whereas you're feeling, ‘no, no this is terrible. I've lost everything that has meaning to me’. It's a real period of bereavement and I know certainly for people who come home and retire, that's very true. The amount of loss is incredible, and how do we deal with loss? It's very important to acknowledge that loss and to allow ourselves the period of grief. If you've had somebody close to you die, then you don't expect to get over it in a few weeks. You take at least a year to work through the grief and when you re-enter you need to allow yourself at least a year to work through those processes and not take on too much major in that first year.
So you're really stressing "take time".
The danger when you come back is that you feel you must get on with something and ‘I'll do anything wrong than do nothing’. But actually, it's important to take time for yourself ; time to process. I mean, maybe you want to take on some temporary things, but not big commitments. The challenge, of course, is that if you're coming home maybe as a family you've got to get somewhere to live. You have to have a job to earn some money to put bread on the table. I think it's great when agencies and companies make allowances - financial allowance - for people to have, say, three months where they don't have to scurry around getting a job but you can give at least that amount of time to deal with some of the stress.
The other thing is that you're using the words grief and loss and bereavement. Those are heavy words. We normally equate those to somebody physically dying. Are those the emotions we're going through? Are they really such heavy emotions?
I think so, particularly if you've been overseas for a fair amount of time. These are heavy emotional times. Let's acknowledge that. Emotions of grief and anger sometimes. Anger if you're coming home because your visa wasn't renewed. You can be very angry about it. You can even be angry at God about that. Why did this happen? Often there may be lots and lots of questions that maybe as a cross-culture worker people think you shouldn't be asking because, you know, you're the person who knows it all, and who’s got the faith in being there and done it. You know these are quite scary questions. But again, they're questions that need to be asked even if we recognize that there's no ultimate answer to them.
What are some of the sources of stress in re-entry?
Well one of the things is actually you're quite tired. Making changes is exhausting and you come back and suddenly you've got to re-find your life and you've got to deal with the whole bureaucratic system; all these things about setting up bank accounts and getting in touch with the utility companies; all these sort of things are just tiring in and of themselves, finding schools for the kids, finding a job, finding a new church, getting the place decorated, any kinds of practical things like those are sources of stress.
There are things that we would expect to stress us. Finding places for kids, but also things that we wouldn't expect to stress us -- going into supermarkets. My mother used to go shopping the first time we would come back and never come back with anything the first two or three times. So there are things that we can expect will stress us and there are things that will surprise us.
Yes, absolutely and probably traffic as well as driving around the neighborhood is one of the known’s for that. Budgeting is another matter. Again, the finances are a big issue in that. Social skills sometimes. We've lost the social skills and we don't know how it works anymore, how you make friendships and lots of other things. I think one of the big pluses in terms of having a good support system is to have people on the other end -- either people that are from your church or your neighborhood who will not just kind of have your house ready for you and stocked, but will come with you to the supermarket and take you around, who will invite you to the place where they go and meet people and take you along. So somebody who is prepared to stand alongside you and be your cultural mentor, because we recognize we need cultural mentors when we go overseas. But you need them when you come back as well.
OK. Thank you very much for joining us.
Thank you. |
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