Transition (Jo Clifford)

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane

All my bags are packed
I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking
Its early morn
The taxis waiting
He’s blowing his horn…

Those words are probably very familiar to us all. Not only for TCKs on the move yet again, but also for those working overseas. Transition is the experience of every TCK when moving from one stage of life to the next or from one culture to another culture.

Hello and welcome to MemCare by Radio. My name is Jo Clifford and I am your host today as we discuss transition and the processes as we go through it.

What is transition? Transition is a big word for the time of moving. The physical move itself is the time when you physically move from one place to another, usually with a lot of luggage. Transition is the physical move as well as the time before and after the physical move.

Everybody goes through transition in different ways. For some it is a quick process, others go through the all the stages of transition and sometimes others repeat various stages. Some can fluctuate between two stages and never really reach ‘reinvolvement’.

So what are the stages in Transition?  Well the first stage called the ‘Belonging’ stage (or involvement stage if you want the technical term) is the place where most of us find ourselves before we even think of moving. This is the time where you know where you belong. You feel comfortable in your environment. You know how school works, which shops are the best to go to for the food and snacks you like, you have good friends and you know your place with them and you know how to get around easily. Life is generally comfortable and known.

Once you decide to move or once the move is decided for you, then comes the time of leaving. This can already start happening 3-6 months before the physical move. This time involves starting to realize that life is going to continue on without you…people start talking about a birthday party or an event at school or work and you know that you won’t be a part of it. This can be quite a tough time especially if everybody else is going to be there. As a result of this you might start distancing yourself from people around, maybe even getting cross with them and thinking, ‘Well I shall get on fine without them’. This makes it feel easier to say goodbye. Be careful not to leave without reconciling with friends.  This is also the time of saying goodbye to people and places. It’s not easy to say goodbye and if you need to take some time to cry, do so.

As you step in the plane you enter the change stage. This is where everything feels chaotic and the world seems upside down. It can feel very lonely during this time especially when you arrive in the new place and you have never been there before. Everything seems weird and strange. Also you think people act strangely or differently. Life also feels unreal….

Next there is the ‘Entering’ stage. Slowly you start coming out of the fog and start entering the new culture that you are in. You start working your way around, finding the shops, working out how school works and become more familiar with life in the new place. Sometimes you might feel guilty if you start enjoying the new life, because you feel as if you are being disloyal to your friends in your other country. Don’t worry, this is normal…please don’t stop enjoying the new culture…make the most of where you are. Of course this is also a time where you will make mistakes, sometimes cultural mistakes, or you might end up at the wrong place at the wrong time, or realize that words you always used in the other country are not acceptable in your new country. This is also normal.

Finally there is the Belonging (again) stage. This is when you are more or less back to where you started. You know how things work in the country, you know how school works, what to wear and what not to wear. Life feels normal again and feels comfortable too.

Where are you at, at the moment? Are you in the Belonging stage?  the Leaving stage?  the Change or chaos stage?  the Entering stage?  or have you reached the Belonging stage again?

As I said at the beginning, everybody goes through transition. Some go through it quicker than others; some get stuck at a particular stage for a longer time. Sometimes when you think you’ve got through it finally the emotions that go with transition can be triggered again. Transition is normal and everybody goes through it. Make sure you get the time and the space to go through it.